waste heat

Chapter 63

cold?Can't empathize?What about ruthlessness in rejecting suitors?Song Yu couldn't even speak a word, and didn't even dare to say a word.

Cheng Yan's face was right in front of him, so close that he could see the tiny fluff on his face, so close that he could see the sadness in those eyes that were hardened.

Is he tired these days?It's easy for a person to think wildly, he really wanted to hug him, touch those red lips, comfort him, but Song Yu didn't dare.

He hugged him, the deliberate estrangement and struggle these days are all in vain, but let him say break up, he can't do it, he is in a dilemma now, accepting Cheng Yan is to bring him harm, to satisfy himself, not to accept Cheng Yan was hurting himself, but he could avoid getting hurt.

Why did they go this far?Why does he have that mess of diseases?Why can't he be like ordinary people, like whoever he likes, why should he stay away from the person he likes?

Song Yu raised his hand slightly, he wanted to touch him, he couldn't bear the pain anymore, the corners of his Cheng Yan's eyes were red, no, he couldn't watch him cry...

Before he was still hesitating, Cheng Yan laughed melodiously, his voice was full of sadness, he took a step back, Cheng Yan nodded and said: "I see."

Song Yu's hand paused, and the panic in his eyes instantly changed. He grew up so big, and there was no reason for him to be sad or happy. There was so much anticipation that he didn't know how to deal with this flustered emotion.

Why not Cheng Yan?

His desperate courage is based on the fact that Song Yu likes him, but there are people on both sides who are not firm enough, and his persistence alone may not last long.

Even if he insists on staying by Song Yu's side, stay away from him when something happens to him, and prevent him from seeing him. At that time, he may be a burden. He is afraid that he will hurt himself, and that his condition will worsen in the future. If he feels separated It's for his own good, and separation is also beneficial to his condition, so Cheng Yan is willing to be more sensible.

Song Yu said he was disobedient, he was indeed disobedient, if he was obedient, he would not be on the school team, if he was obedient, he would not be here today, if he was obedient, he would not be obsessed with obsession, he must wait for Song Yu to say it himself before giving up .

He can accept the days without him in the future, he can accept that they go their separate ways after graduation, and he can accept that they will never meet again for the rest of their lives, so what's the use of being lonely?

Song Yu likes him, but not that much, not like himself, he must be the only one.

Sure enough, people still can't be happy too early, what's the use of liking?If you know that it is impossible to be together in the end, liking...in fact, it is torture.

It's all because he has never been in love, because the first person he likes is Song Yu, he doesn't know how to digest this emotion, he also wants to be decent, but his voice is trembling, uncontrollable, he Obviously already very restrained.

"Then... goodbye." Cheng Yan looked at the ground, "Excuse me."

He turned around and left from the underground garage.

Song Yu clasped his hands tightly, looked at Cheng Yan's back, and stood alone for a long time in silence. Friends behind him surrounded him when they saw him leave. Someone asked unknowingly, "What's wrong?"

There were loud noises in his ears, including his friend's questioning, and the figure in his sight disappeared. They were not parting for life and death, but this feeling... was not inferior to parting for life and death at all.

Terrible.

Song Yu took out a cigarette from his pocket, but his hand was unsteady and he moved so fast that the smoked cigarette fell to the ground. His throat was so itchy that he desperately needed the comfort of tobacco. He took one, but his hand didn't know what happened, he couldn't hold it steady, and the second one fell off, and the rush of blood caused him to be in a mess.

"Clap!"

Together with the lighter in his hand, Song Yu smashed it to the ground, scaring the surrounding friends to take a step back.

Song Yu squatted on the ground, rubbed his neck vigorously, buried his face, and couldn't see the turbulent emotions in him now.

It was raining heavily outside, and the underground garage was freezing cold. A few boys gathered together, and today's party turned yellow.

-

Zhao Yibai came back from Cheng Yan's house and played with some friends from junior high school, but it started to rain heavily after playing for a while, and it didn't rain for a whole day. As soon as the activity was organized, it started to rain, and all the friends complained , There is no way, we can only go back to our respective homes and find our respective mothers.

Zhao Yibai was still a little wet. He ran to the door of the house and ran into a few kids in the neighborhood.

"elder brother."

A little boy called him, Zhao Yibai hummed, the little guy at the opposite door usually insisted on pestering him to play with him, Zhao Yibai thought he was childish and didn't want to take him, the kid said politely: "Brother, come to my house Play."

Zhao Yibai said: "No time."

Little boy: "Do you have homework?"

Zhao Yibai said, "No."

Little boy: "Then you come to my house to play. I bought an Iron Man. My dad bought it for me. It's still bright. Let me show you."

Zhao Yibai is not interested in these things, the most important thing is that he is not interested in this child, Zhao Yibai said: "Oh, I seem to have some math homework that I haven't done, it's over, it's over..."

His excuses are not enough to fool the adults, but it’s okay to deceive the children. It’s all because of the child’s mother. Asking him to help take care of him every day and every day has brought dependence on the child. It’s like treating him like a brother. Zhao Yi Bai didn't want to.

The little boy left dejectedly.

Zhao Yibai didn't take the elevator with him, and deliberately waited for the next one. During this gap, Cheng Yan's mother called him.

"Auntie." Zhao Yibai answered.

"Yibai, have you found Cheng Yan?"

"Well, he's at Song Yu's place." Zhao Yibai said.

"Oh, then I'll call Song Yu."

Zhao Yibai asked: "What's wrong?"

Cheng Ma said: "No, I just want to see if it's not dark and it's raining heavily. I don't know if he'll come back or not, and no one answered the phone."

"Oh, then you should call Song Yu, do you have his contact information?"

"Yes, I'll go then, you're busy." Cheng Ma said politely, and hung up the phone after asking.

Looking at the sudden torrential rain outside, Zhao Yibai suddenly had an ominous premonition. It was very strange. Zhao Yibai didn't think much about it. The elevator came and he walked up.

-

Song Yu went home at night, the heavy rain restricted their movements, everyone could only stay in the house obediently.

Song Yu threw the key on the table, and his uncle came out from inside.

Closing the door lightly, my uncle put on a coat, poured a glass of water, and came to Song Yu without saying a word.

The two sat opposite each other. Song Yu was a well-measured and polite child. He was in a bad mood, but he did not forget to show due respect to his elders, "Thank you."

Uncle pulled the coat on his shoulders, looked at Song Yu's slightly damp hair, and asked, "It's quite big outside?"

Song Yu nodded.

Uncle glanced at the window. In the dead of night, there was thunder rolling, and there was a sudden thunder, making people panic. The living room was not turned on, and only two figures could be seen faintly in the dim light.

"Where are your friends?" Uncle asked: "I heard from your aunt, how many friends from your house are here?"

"Primary school classmate," Song Yu said, "I haven't seen you for a long time."

"Didn't they stay for a meal?" Uncle asked, "It's so late and it's raining, how did you arrange it?"

Song Yu has been hanging out with those friends recently and only came back at night.

"Go home," Song Yu said, "They drove here, it's okay."

Uncle rubbed his hands, feeling a little cold, "That's fine, my sister called me today to ask you."

Song Yu opened his eyes, but did not speak.

The uncle sighed: "Song Yu, what on earth are you thinking? You can't keep in touch with your family for the rest of your life, right? My sister heard that you have been seriously ill recently, and she is also very worried. Please call her back when you have time."

Song Yu said softly: "Yes."

Uncle didn't know what to say for such a reply, and he, as an uncle, couldn't ignore family matters, and said: "Sister, she also knows that she is wrong, she is just a child like you, no matter what, she will always be happy." Or your mother."

"I don't blame her," Song Yu said calmly, straightening her waist, the outline in the dim light was not clear enough, "As you said, uncle, she is my mother, I will not hate her no matter what, I will Going to school is just for a change of environment, if you think I'm disturbing you, uncle, you can just tell me, I'll rent a house outside."

"You child, can I feel that you are disturbing? I have installed your bedroom for you. It doesn't matter if you live here for the rest of your life." The uncle said: "My aunt and I can have today, thanks to your parents care."

Indeed, there is one thing to say, his parents are indeed very capable, and they can make people leap into the dragon gate with their hands. In a society that pays attention to power, his parents' prestige is quite sufficient.

"Then I'll go back to my room to rest first." Song Yu stood up, the temperature was low, he instructed: "It's cold outside, don't sit in the living room, go back to sleep."

"Song Yu," the uncle yelled, Song Yu stopped, and the uncle said earnestly: "Uncle doesn't treat you as an outsider, I hope you do too, if you need something, just tell uncle."

Song Yudao: "Well, go back to sleep, it's cold."

Song Yu went back to the room, urging others to go to sleep, but he didn't feel sleepy at all. He sat on the bed, and the occasional light in the room also came from the lightning outside.

The torrential rain in the sky always brings people a depressing feeling. Sitting in the room, Song Yu would feel a little uneasy. This emotion was not groundless. Immediately after, he received a phone call.

It was Cheng Yan's father calling.

"Song Yu," Dad Cheng asked, "Are you at home?"

Not only Cheng's father's voice came out of the receiver, but also Cheng's mother's urging voice, telling him to ask him quickly, such as the heavy rain outside.

Song Yu hummed and said, "Is there something wrong, Uncle?"

Dad Cheng was urged not to chat, and got into the topic: "Oh, so, Cheng Yan hasn't come home yet, just now he said he went to look for you, I asked him if he didn't come back, or what? ..."

"Cheng Yan didn't go back?" Song Yu grabbed the phone tightly.

"No, I didn't answer the phone call to him," Cheng's father said, "Hey, what do you mean? Didn't he find you?"

Song Yu stood up, there was thunder outside, and raindrops hit the window, making people flustered, Song Yu explained: "He came, but he left long ago."

"It's weird, where did this kid go, and he didn't answer the phone." Dad Cheng said, the phone was snatched, and Mom Cheng said: "Song Yu, did Cheng Yan tell you where he went?"

"No."

"Ah? Where did this guy go? It's so late, he never disappeared with me, and he didn't answer the phone today, and he wasn't at Yibai..."

Song Yu didn't tell Cheng Ma more, what's the situation now?Cheng Yan didn't go home, it was raining so hard, he wasn't with Zhao Yibai, where else could he go?

His current mood...

Song Yudao: "Auntie, I won't tell you any more, I'll go out and have a look."

After finishing speaking, Song Yu put down the phone, took an umbrella, and ran into his uncle who was going back to his room when he went out. Song Yu was in a hurry, and his uncle was startled by his movement.

"Where are you going so late?" Uncle looked at his umbrella handle.

"Go out for a while." Song Yu didn't say much, opened the door and ran out quickly.

The torrential rain was so heavy that the road ahead could not be seen clearly, the street lamps were unable to support it, and the vehicles on the side of the road were clattered by the huge raindrops. Searching on the only way he must go back.

In such a big city, is there more than one way to go home?Where he came from and where he went, no one will know.

Why didn't you go home?Because of sadness?Are you sad?or what?Anyway, I have to go home, where can he go in such a heavy rain?

Song Yu was confused, without any clues, he was walking on the empty street, the wind was heavy and the rain was heavy, the sleeves and trousers were hit by the heavy rain, the cold wind slapped his face, his figure passing by in a hurry, looking around, searching for a shadow , but no progress at all.

"Cheng Yan!" Song Yu yelled towards the street, several busy figures turned their heads to look at him, Song Yu turned a blind eye to him, calling his name again and again on the street, "Cheng Yan! Cheng Yan!"

It's not easy for anyone, cut the mess quickly, long-term pain is worse than short-term pain, but this short-term pain can also kill people, how can it be easy to let go of the turbulent feelings at once?

It's all my own fault. He shouldn't have accepted his intentions easily, and couldn't help but approach him. That time, he finally made up his mind to stay away. When he returned to school and saw him, all his previous efforts were wasted.

He couldn't convince himself at all, so he didn't let his eyes fall on him. Wherever he was, his eyes would be attracted to him. If they weren't together at the beginning, wouldn't it be much better now...

Accepting him and staying away from him, whether it is for his own good or not, isn't this kind of behavior just giving him hope and extinguishing his hope?

Originally, Cheng Yan planned to ignore him. Originally, Cheng Yan could suppress it and divert his love for him, right?It was me, it was me who made him see the light, it was me who gave him the future he was looking forward to, it was me who got him into the school team, it was me who wanted to hang out with him, and wanted to stay with him outside of school time .

what is this?what is this?What answer did he give him?What happened to the disease?He didn't say he was afraid, he backed down first, which was not fair to him at all, regardless of his thoughts, was it right to unilaterally announce the end of this relationship?

How long have they been together, how many things have they experienced, he has the courage to persist, why doesn't he have it?His fear...is not worthy of Cheng Yan's bravery.

Song Yu was immersed in self-doubt and guilt, lightning struck his face, his pale face was like a ghost.

Suddenly, the sound of an ambulance sounded, and Song Yu was startled.

He calmed himself down, walked forward, and walked towards the noisy place. It was a bustling area, the bus was parked on one side, and many people gathered around, muttering about something.

Song Yu walked in little by little, the umbrella in his hand became heavier and heavier, his heart beat violently, beating his chest, Song Yu looked at the ambulance in the crowd, the medical staff surrounded the injured, he couldn't see the stretcher who is the person.

"It looks like a student, covered in blood, it's scary..."

"Student, whoops, this parent is scared to death..."

"Should be a student, looks like a teenager..."

"Boys and girls?"

"Boy, I see it."

The sound of communication made Song Yu even more flustered, but he couldn't see the people on the stretcher, students, teenagers, boys, covered in blood...

Will not.

The blood mixed in the rain on the ground made him feel terrified for the first time, and he didn't feel excited at all. The thick blood seemed to flow from his body, as if a piece of his heart had rotted, and the pain was excruciating.

The umbrella suddenly fell to the ground.

Startled passers-by.

Song Yu clenched his fists and stared blankly at the ambulance driving away. The flow of people was getting less and less, and the blood on the ground was washed by the heavy rain and flowed to his feet.

The feeling of weightlessness made Song Yu unsteady on his feet, and the glaring blood caused him to back up again and again. His arms were trembling, and Song Yu was overwhelmed by intense fear.

The surroundings became illusory, who's phone was ringing, whose heart was beating wildly, who was talking, everything became unreal.

If it wasn't him, how could it be him, how could it be a student?How could it be a boy?How could there be such a car accident when he happened to disappear and when I couldn't find him?

Why is it raining?Why today?Why is he here today?Why can't I wait any longer, why did I push him away?

What about his parents?What if they are sad?What if they hate themselves?What should he do?What should I do if I really don't have this person for the rest of my life?What if I don't see him tomorrow...

At the moment Song Yu was about to fall, a pair of arms passed through his waist, and then the damp heat covered his back, causing him to tremble and steady his steps.

The white light splits the bright night, and there is more than rain hanging from the corners of the wet eyes.

"It's not me." The boy's voice was very hoarse, and it sounded faintly behind him. The thunder was too loud, and the sound of rain hitting the ground was so loud that it almost drowned out this small voice.

Song Yu turned around slowly and looked at Cheng Yan who was drenched all over, his face was slapped by the rain, and his eyelashes hung down limply as if they were injured.

It was him who searched for a long time, it was Cheng Yan who he was flustered, and it was Cheng Yan who he almost never saw.

He seemed to have changed overnight, from full of energy to a weak and critically ill patient who would collapse at any time, his pale lips, hoarse voice, and unfocused pupils made Song Yu's heart beat faster .

Song Yu hugged the flirty man suddenly, without asking anything, lowered his head, his lips pressed against Cheng Yan's hot forehead, it seemed that there was only the last bit of residual heat.

Song Yu is trembling, he is afraid, is this the emotion of fear?Cheng Yan was not sure, his emotions were so difficult to control, they always changed so fast that he couldn't keep up and react.

Feeling his heartbeat, Cheng Yan gently raised his hand, placed it on his back, and said in a low voice, "Can't you tell?"

If you can't say break up, if you can't say that you will go your separate ways after graduation, if you can't say that you will never be there again in your life, if you can't say it, then don't say it.

This fierce heartbeat, trembling arms, and warm lips against his forehead have already overruled him thousands of times.

Cheng Yan closed his eyes, extremely tired, and said in a hoarse voice: "Exactly, I can't do it either."